A healthy child who is growing along their curve is eating enough, even if it looks like nothing at the dinner table. Appetite drops noticeably between one and three because growth slows down. Act when the weight falls away from the curve, when your child has trouble swallowing or when the list of foods they eat shrinks below ten things.
Half past five on a Wednesday in Kungsholmen, a two-year-old is sitting in front of a plate of meatballs, potatoes and peas. He eats two peas, drinks his milk and says done. His parents have spent forty minutes cooking. It is the most common scene in the homes our nannies walk into, and it is almost always harmless. But not always, and the difference can be seen.
How much food does a child actually need?
Less than most adults think. In the first year a baby triples its birth weight, and the appetite is to match. Between one and three a child grows about two kilos a year, and the body adjusts the appetite accordingly. A reasonable portion for a two-year-old fits in the child's own cupped hand, a couple of times per meal. To you it looks like a taster.
| Age | Approximate portion | What is normal |
|---|---|---|
| 1 to 2 years | A few tablespoons of each thing | Eats a lot one day and almost nothing the next |
| 2 to 3 years | Half a decilitre of each component | Refuses what was a favourite last week |
| 3 to 5 years | Just under a decilitre of each component | Wants the same dish several days in a row |
| 6 to 8 years | About half an adult portion | Appetite increases again, snacks become more important |
Why children stop eating
- Growth slows down. This is the most common reason around one to two years, and it needs no action.
- Snacks and milk. A child who has drunk four glasses of milk and eaten two bananas at four o'clock is not hungry at half past five. Add up the whole day before you worry about dinner.
- Tiredness. Many small children are too tired to eat after a full day at förskola (municipal preschool, from age one). An earlier dinner, or a proper snack at pick-up, solves more than any new recipe.
- Colds, teething, constipation. Appetite is the first thing to go and the last to come back.
- Power. Between two and four the dinner table is one of the few places where a child can say no and make it stick. The more you nag, the more that no is worth.
- Neophobia. Fear of new food is built into most children from about two and fades in the school years. It is not upbringing, it is biology.
Normal fussiness or something more?
There is a gap between fussy and food-refusing that parents find hard to see when they are in the middle of it. Ordinary fussiness means your child eats around twenty different things, that the list changes over time, that your child can sit at the table with food they do not like and that their weight follows the curve. The problem is there when the list shrinks below ten things, when whole groups disappear (no fruit at all, no protein at all), when your child gags or vomits at the sight of certain foods, or when every meal ends in tears. Then it is not a phase to wait out. Talk to BVC (the child health clinic every family is enrolled in), and ask for a referral to a dietitian or speech and language therapist if BVC thinks it is needed.
| Wait and keep the routine | Contact BVC |
|---|---|
| Eats little but is growing | Weight is levelling off or going down |
| Refuses dinner, eats breakfast | Eats poorly at every meal for weeks |
| Twenty things on the list, and it changes | Fewer than ten things, and the list is shrinking |
| Protests at new food but stays at the table | Vomits or gags at new food |
| Eats differently at grandma's or at förskola | Eats just as little everywhere |
What you do at the table
- Serve, do not comment. The food is on the table, your child takes it or does not. No praise for having eaten, no sigh for having left it.
- Always one safe thing. Bread, rice, cucumber, whatever your child usually eats. A child should never leave the table without having had the chance to eat something.
- No replacement meals. If dinner is rejected, there is no bowl of cereal an hour later. Breakfast comes tomorrow. It sounds harsh, but it is the only thing that makes dinner mean something.
- Twenty minutes. Then the meal is over, whatever the state of the plate.
- New food ten times. Children need to see a new thing on the table many times before they taste it. Put a piece on the plate with no pressure, for weeks.
- You eat the same food. Your child learns from watching you eat the broccoli, not from hearing that it is healthy.
Eats differently at förskola?
Ask the staff what your child eats at lunch, and ask for an honest answer. Most children who refuse at home eat perfectly normally at förskola, where no adult is paying particular attention to their plate and where the friend next to them is eating. That is good news: your child can eat, it is the situation at home that has become charged. If it is the other way round, your child eats at home but not at förskola, it is often the noise level and the pace that get in the way. Then a solid breakfast and a snack straight away at pick-up help more than any talk with your child.
What to stop doing
The aeroplane spoon for a child who can feed themselves. Dessert as a reward, which makes dessert the only thing worth eating. Cooking a second dish when the first is rejected. Counting mouthfuls. And talking about your child's eating in your child's hearing, with grandma or with your partner. A three-year-old hears everything and understands that this matters to you, which makes the no even more valuable.
How we do it with our families
Sanna looks after a two-year-old boy in Södermalm three afternoons a week, and she cooks dinner with him standing on a stool at the counter. He tips in the pasta, she stirs. He mostly does not eat any more because of it, but he sits at the table ten minutes longer and tastes what he put in himself. On the note to his parents she writes what he actually ate: four pieces of pasta, half a banana at four o'clock, three decilitres of milk. After two weeks his parents could see that he does not eat nearly as little as they thought, just not at dinner.
This text is general information and does not replace advice from BVC, your vårdcentral (local health centre) or 1177 (the national healthcare helpline). If you are worried about your child, call 1177. In an emergency, call 112.
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Read more: Fussy eaters · Food children actually like · Food for children · FAQ
Frequently asked questions
How long can a child eat almost nothing?
Several days, sometimes a week, without it being dangerous as long as the child is drinking. A healthy child who is too tired for dinner often eats all the more at breakfast. Look at the whole week rather than one meal, and at whether your child is growing as they should.
Should we force our child to taste things?
No. Forcing makes a child eat less in the long run, not more. Put the food on the table, let your child help themselves and always have something on the table that you know they eat. Tasting is voluntary, sitting at the table is not.
Does my child need vitamin supplements?
Vitamin D drops for all children up to two according to BVC, longer for some. Otherwise rarely, if your child eats something from each group over the course of a week. Ask BVC before you buy supplements, so you do not reassure yourself with a tablet instead of seeing what is going on.
When should we contact BVC?
When your child loses weight or stops growing along the curve, when they choke on or vomit from food, when they eat fewer than ten different things, or when meals have become so charged that you dread them. Help is available, and the earlier the easier.