Christmas with children works when you pick three or four traditions and do them every year, and when julafton (Christmas Eve, the main day in Sweden) follows your child's day instead of the other way round: breakfast as usual, a nap for the little ones, presents at three or four when everyone is fresh, dinner at six and bed at the usual time. The rest, the julbord (the Christmas buffet), tomten (Father Christmas, who visits in person), the relatives, has to fit around that. The chaos comes when the children are tired, hungry and full of sugar at the same time, and that can be planned away.
Five o'clock on Christmas Eve in a living room in Stockholm: wrapping paper everywhere, a four-year-old crying over a present someone else got, a one-year-old who has not napped, a grandmother who thinks the food should be eaten now and a tomte due in a quarter of an hour. Every family with children has been there. The problem is not Christmas, it is the order of things. Here is how we plan the day with the families where it works, and which traditions actually survive the toddler years.
Christmas Eve in the right order for small children
| Time | What | Why then |
|---|---|---|
| 8 | Breakfast as usual, with something extra, such as a lussebulle (saffron bun) or julmust (the Swedish Christmas soft drink) | Your child should not be starving by the time the julbord is served |
| 9 to 11 | A walk, play, the smallest ones in the pram | Fresh air and movement before the day moves indoors |
| 11.30 | The children's lunch, what they usually eat, or the bits of the julbord they like | The adults' julbord often ends up late |
| 12.30 to 14 | Nap for children under four, quiet time for the bigger ones | Without this hour the evening falls apart |
| 15 | Kalle Anka (the Donald Duck Christmas special on TV at three) for those who want it, or a Christmas film, or nothing | It is a break, not a must |
| 15.30 to 16.30 | Tomten, or the presents | The children are fresh and fed. This is the highlight of the day, put it where they have the energy for it |
| 17 to 18 | Playing with the new things, julbord for the adults | The children are busy, you get to eat |
| 18.30 | The children's evening meal if they have not eaten | A Christmas lunch for adults is not enough for a three-year-old |
| 19 to 20 | Evening routine, bath, bed | The same time as usual, plus half an hour if needed |
Traditions that last from the first birthday to twelve
A tradition is something your child can count on. That means it has to survive the years when you have a baby, the years when you have two children under five and the years when the twelve-year-old finds everything embarrassing. These are the ones that usually make it.
- Baking pepparkakor (gingerbread biscuits). One weekend in December, the same recipe, the children do the cutting out. At one, your child sits on your lap; at twelve, they build the gingerbread house on their own.
- The tree. Bought the same weekend every year, decorated by the children, which means everything hangs on the bottom half. Do not move anything.
- Christmas Eve breakfast. Something that is only eaten then. A particular bun or a particular porridge is enough.
- The Christmas Day walk. Everyone out, whatever the weather, before lunch. The children try out new sledges or skates, the adults wake up.
- The Christmas book. The same book read aloud on the evening of the 23rd every year. At twelve, your child reads it to the younger siblings.
- Something of your own. Something only your family does: a treasure hunt for the last present, a song before the presents, a walk to a particular place. That is the one the children will talk about as adults.
What does not last: traditions that need three hours of preparation by one parent, traditions that rely on everyone being happy at the same time, and anything that exists because it looks good in a photo. Drop one thing a year until what remains gets done without sighing. Craft ideas for December are in our Christmas crafts for children.
Tomten, and the child who gets scared
Many children between two and four are frightened of tomten. A big adult in a mask and beard speaking in a funny voice is no fun for a child who does not understand the game. The solution is simple: tomten rings the doorbell, leaves the sack outside the door and goes. Your child can catch a glimpse through the window if they want. From four or five it is the opposite, then tomten is the biggest thing of the day and the adult playing the part has the best assignment of the year. Ask your child the week before: do you want tomten to come in, or should he leave the sack? And make sure tomten is not the parent your child needs to cuddle at that moment.
Presents without a fight
One present at a time, one person at a time, the youngest first. One adult hands them out, reads the rhyme on the tag if there is one, and waits until the present is open before the next. It takes longer and it is better, because your child has time to see what they got. Siblings who compare are told in advance that everyone has the same number, and then the question is settled. A child who gets ten presents in twenty minutes has not received ten gifts, they have received a pile of paper. Set a limit in November and tell the relatives, more on that in Christmas presents for children by age. And put the leftover ones aside for mellandagarna (the days between Christmas and New Year). No rule says everything has to be opened on the 24th.
Family in several homes
Many families in Stockholm have three or four Christmas celebrations to choose between: one set of grandparents, the other set, their own family, perhaps step-parents. A child under six can manage one celebration a day, not two. Decide in November, write it down, send it to everyone. Christmas Eve at home or with one side, Christmas Day quiet, annandag jul (Boxing Day) with the other side. Next year you swap. Travelling on Christmas Eve with children under three is not worth it. Take the car on the 23rd or the 25th instead. And say no to the fourth celebration with a clear conscience: the child who wakes at five on the 27th and cries all day is the price, and you are the one who pays it, not the person who invited you.
A quiet hour and an adult whose job it is
All the chaos on Christmas Eve comes from the same three things: tiredness, hunger and sugar, combined with too many people and too much noise. Most of it can be planned away. Food at the children's usual times, a nap, and a quiet hour in the afternoon when one child at a time can go into a room with the door closed and a book. Decide out loud which of you has the children each hour, so that you do not both assume the other one is on it. The sweets come out after the meal, not at ten in the morning in a bowl on the table. And if you can see it is about to fall apart: take your child out before it happens, not after.
How we do it with our families
Nike is with a family in Solna with three children between one and seven, and some years she works on the 23rd of December, because that is the day the parents need help most: shopping, wrapping, fetching the tree. She takes the children to the park in the morning, builds the gingerbread house with the seven-year-old after lunch while the one-year-old naps, and lays out the clothes for Christmas Eve on the chairs. The note for the parents says what the children have eaten, who slept when and that the four-year-old has decided tomten is allowed in this year. Christmas Eve is the family's own, but the day before can be ours.
Would you like a nanny who comes on the same days every week and whom your children know? Book a free first meeting with the nanny in your home, and we will work out a plan around your hours.
Read more: Christmas presents for children by age · Lucia with children · Christmas crafts for children · A nanny at the weekend
Frequently asked questions
How do you do Christmas Eve with a two-year-old?
Like an ordinary day with a little extra: the same nap, the same mealtimes, presents after the nap at three or four when your child is fresh, and bed at the usual time. A two-year-old who misses the nap and opens presents at seven in the evening cries their way through Christmas Eve. That is not a tradition worth keeping.
Should tomten come?
If you want him to, and if your child enjoys it. Many three-year-olds are frightened of an adult in a mask, and it is better for tomten to leave the sack outside the door and ring the bell. From four or five, tomten is a highlight for most children. Ask your child the week before how they want it.
How do you handle Christmas with relatives in several homes?
Decide in November which days are which, write it down and send it to everyone. A child under six should not be at three Christmas celebrations in two days. Christmas Eve in one place, Christmas Day at home, Boxing Day with the others, is a split that usually holds.
What do you do when your child gets overstimulated?
Take them out. A room with the door closed, a book, ten minutes. Children who scream on Christmas Eve are not spoilt, they have had too much sugar, too many people and too little sleep. Plan a quiet hour in the middle of the day and have one adult whose job it is.
Which traditions are worth having?
The ones you can manage every year. Three or four fixed things your child can count on are better than fifteen that happen sometimes. Baking gingerbread, the Christmas tree, a particular breakfast on Christmas Eve, a walk on Christmas Day. The rest can vary.