Fifty funny jokes for children that actually work: animal jokes, Swedish school jokes starring Kalle and Lisa, knock knock jokes and those absurd elephant jokes that six-year-olds adore. The answer appears when you tap, so you can ask first.
Around the age of five, children discover that words can mean two things, and from that moment on they want jokes. All the time. In the car, at dinner, in bed. Here are the ones our nannies get the most laughs from, sorted so you can start with the easy ones. The answers are hidden; tap when you have given up or when your child has already shouted it out.
Half past five on a Thursday in a kitchen on Södermalm. A six-year-old is standing on a stool next to the cooker and says: "What do you say to a tomato lying in the road?" Dad knows, because it is the seventh time this week, but he says "I don't know" and waits. "Ketchup!" The six-year-old laughs so hard the stool wobbles. It is not the joke that is funny any more. It is that she has one.
Animal jokes and puns
- What do you say to a tomato lying in the road?
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Ketchup!
- Why did the banana go to the doctor?
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It wasn't peeling well.
- What's yellow and lies on the beach?
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A banana sunbathing. It's peeling already.
- Why does the giraffe have such a long neck?
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Because its head is so far up.
- What do you call a snowman in summer?
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A puddle.
- What did one wall say to the other?
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Meet you at the corner.
- Why can't a bicycle stand up on its own?
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It's two tired. Two wheels, twice as tired.
- What does a snowman eat for breakfast?
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Snowflakes.
- What's the difference between a bus and a banana?
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You can't peel a bus.
- What does a cow say when it watches TV?
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Moo-vie.
- Why do elephants have red toenails?
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To hide in cherry trees. Never seen one? Then it works.
- What's the most expensive fish?
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A goldfish.
- What do you call a cow that plays the guitar?
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A moo-sician.
- Why do monkeys have such big nostrils?
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Because they have such big fingers.
- What's a polar bear's favourite food?
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Ice-burgers.
- What's big, grey and bounces?
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An elephant on a trampoline.
- What do you say to a cat that has fallen over?
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Are you feline okay?
- What do you get if you cross a dog with a calculator?
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A friend you can count on.
- Why are fish so clever?
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They live in schools.
- On which day are you not allowed holes in your socks?
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Toes-day.
- What's red and goes up and down?
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A tomato in a lift.
- Why did the cat go to the hairdresser?
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It wanted a purr-m.
- What's the difference between an elephant and a postbox?
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If you don't know, I'm not asking you to post my letters.
- What does an angry carrot do?
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It gets steamed.
- Which animal can jump higher than a house?
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All of them. Houses can't jump.
Kalle, Lisa and school
Classic Swedish school jokes, starring Kalle and Lisa, the two children in every Swedish classroom joke. They work from age seven, once your child has started school and understands why the answer is cheeky.
- Teacher: Kalle, what's the difference between lightning and electricity? Kalle: Lightning is free.
- Mum: Why have you only written three lines in your essay about the dog? Kalle: It's short, the dog is a dachshund.
- Teacher: If you have ten kronor and ask your dad for ten more, how much do you have? Kalle: Ten kronor. Teacher: You can't count. Kalle: You don't know my dad.
- Patient: Doctor, I think I'm a dog. Doctor: Lie down on the couch. Patient: I'm not allowed on the furniture.
- Kalle: Dad, can you write your name with your eyes closed? Dad: Yes. Kalle: Good, sign my school report.
- Teacher: Why are you late? Lisa: The sign said school, slow down.
- Kalle: Mum, can I have an ice cream? Mum: What do you say? Kalle: I've got my own money.
- Teacher: Lisa, where is the North Pole? Lisa: No idea, I haven't put it anywhere.
- Dad: Why didn't you go to school today? Kalle: I was sick. Dad: Sick of what? Kalle: Of school.
- Teacher: Kalle, make a sentence with the word early. Kalle: I came to school early today. Teacher: No, you were late. Kalle: Yes, but early is a good word.
Knock knock
- Knock knock. Who's there? Annie. Annie who?
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Annie-body going to let me in?
- Knock knock. Who's there? Luke. Luke who?
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Luke through the peephole and you'll see.
- Knock knock. Who's there? Justin. Justin who?
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Justin time, I've lost my key and I can't get in.
- Knock knock. Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who?
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No, cows go moo! Open up!
- Knock knock. Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who?
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Lettuce in before it starts raining.
- Knock knock. Who's there? Nobel. Nobel who?
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No bell, that's why I knocked. It's only me.
Elephants, fridges and other absurdities
These are the best ones. Six-year-olds laugh until they fall off their chairs, and ten-year-olds pretend they don't.
- What's green and goes round and round?
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A cucumber in a washing machine.
- What's brown and stuck in the tree?
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A koala that lost its grip.
- What's black and white and red all over?
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An embarrassed penguin.
- What's grey, has four legs and a trunk?
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A mouse on holiday, dressed up as an elephant.
- What's yellow and very dangerous?
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Shark-infested custard.
- How do you get an elephant into a fridge?
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Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.
- How do you get a giraffe into a fridge?
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Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.
- The lion invites all the animals to a party. One animal doesn't come. Which one?
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The giraffe. It's in the fridge.
- What does a snail say sitting on a tortoise's back?
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Wheee!
And the last one: Two fish are swimming in a tank. One says to the other: Do you know how to drive this thing? You get that joke at nine, and then it is the best one you have ever heard.
Which jokes for which age?
| Age | What works | What doesn't work yet |
|---|---|---|
| 4 to 5 | Knock knock, animal jokes with sounds, anything where the answer is an animal doing something silly | Puns. They laugh, but only because you do |
| 6 to 7 | Puns like ketchup and the two-tired bike, the elephant in the fridge, jokes they can tell themselves | Kalle and Lisa. They don't understand why the answer is cheeky |
| 8 to 10 | The school jokes, longer jokes with a story, the fish in the tank | Irony and sarcasm, which they take literally |
| 11 to 12 | Everything, and they make up their own that are better than yours | The absurd ones, which they find babyish. They laugh anyway |
Why a six-year-old laughs at the elephant in the fridge
Humour follows language. A four-year-old laughs at someone falling over or saying the wrong word. At five to six, the child discovers that a word can mean two things, and the pun is born: ketchup is funny because it is both a sauce and an instruction. At seven to eight, the child understands rules, and then it becomes funny when rules are broken in an unexpected way, like when Kalle replies that his dad would never hand over ten kronor. The absurd jokes, the elephant in the fridge, are funny because they pretend to have logic but don't, and a six-year-old who has just learned how logic works thinks that is the funniest thing there is.
It also means that a joke that doesn't land is usually not a bad joke, just a year too early. Save it and tell it again next autumn.
How children tell a joke
- Ask, wait, answer. The pause before the answer is the whole joke. Count to one silently.
- One joke at a time. The second joke straight after the first steals the laugh from the first.
- Don't tell the answer if they already know it. Say: you know that one, wait, here comes a new one.
- Let your child tell it to someone new. Grandma, the nanny, the neighbour. Making a new person laugh is the best thing there is.
- Don't laugh before the answer. That is the hardest part for a six-year-old, and it is what separates a joke from a giggle.
Jokes that don't work, and why
Children do not understand sarcasm until the age of ten to twelve, and until then they take it literally. If you say "nice work" when the milk gets knocked over, a seven-year-old thinks you mean it, or is upset when she realises you don't. Jokes at someone's expense, the short one, the one who can't ride a bike, teach your child that laughter is a weapon, and they take that with them to the playground. And jokes your child has heard from an older cousin without understanding them: ask what your child thinks the joke means before you react. Usually they don't know, and then a calm explanation is all it takes.
Jokes in the car, at the party and at bedtime
In the car, jokes work as a relay: one joke each, in turn, until someone thinks of a new one. At a party you can let each child tell their best joke at the table once the cake is gone; it is one of the few Party games for kids by age the shy seven-year-old is happy to join in with, because she has practised at home. At bedtime: one joke, then lights out. Any more and your child lies there giggling for half an hour. If you want something that takes more thinking, there are 100 riddles for kids with answers, sorted by age, and Quiz questions for kids for the child who would rather know things than laugh.
How we do it with our families
Jokes in the car on the way home from förskola (municipal preschool, from age one) are one of our nannies' best habits. Three jokes each, then a new one next week. Sanna picks up a six-year-old in Bromma on Mondays, and she has a rule: one new joke per Monday, no more, so it has time to become his before the next one arrives. He practises it on the way home, on Mum at dinner and on his teacher on Tuesday morning. And because it is the same nanny every time, Sanna knows exactly which ones have already been told, and she laughs anyway when he tells the tomato joke for the fifth time. That is part of the job. When he made up one of his own last week, about a cucumber that went to the hairdresser, she helped him swap the question and the answer around, and now it is his best one.
Would you like a nanny who comes on the same days every week and whom the children know? Book a free first meeting with the nanny in your home, and we will work out a quote for your hours.
Read more: 100 riddles for kids with answers, sorted by age · Quiz questions for kids · Party games for kids by age · FAQ
Frequently asked questions
Which jokes suit a five-year-old?
Animal jokes and knock knock jokes, with short questions and short answers. Puns only work once your child understands that words can mean two things, usually around six or seven. Before that they laugh because you laugh, which is lovely too. A five-year-old who gets to tell Grandma the tomato joke has grasped the whole point of jokes, even if she doesn't understand ketchup.
Why do children tell the same joke over and over?
Because the joke worked. A child who has made an adult laugh wants that feeling again, and the only way they know is to tell the same joke. Laugh again. It costs nothing and it builds a five-year-old's confidence. Around seven, children start to notice themselves that repetition doesn't work, and then they want new ones.
How do you teach children to tell jokes?
Teach them short jokes with a clear question and a short answer. Let them practise on you, then on Grandma or the nanny. Teach them to wait a second before the answer; that is the whole secret. And teach them not to laugh themselves before the answer has come, which is the hardest thing of all for a six-year-old who already knows how funny it is.
What do you do when your child makes up jokes that aren't funny?
Laugh anyway, a little. And ask what the funny part was. There is often a joke in there that just needs help with the order: the answer came before the question, or a word that means two things is missing. Help your child rebuild it, and then tell the new joke to someone else as if it were your child's. It is.
Which jokes should you avoid?
Jokes at the expense of someone in the room, jokes that rely on someone being stupid, and jokes your child doesn't understand but tells because the adults laughed. The last is the most common: a six-year-old can pick up something crude from an older cousin without knowing what it means. Ask what your child thinks it means, and explain calmly.