The first weeks at home with a newborn look almost the same for everyone: the baby feeds every two to three hours around the clock, sleeps in short stretches, cries mostly in the evening and loses a little weight before gaining. A fever of 38 degrees or more, lethargy, laboured breathing or a baby who won't feed are reasons to call 1177 (the national healthcare helpline) straight away. What helps you is sleeping in shifts, visitors who are useful, and lowering the bar for everything else.
It is half past three in the morning in a flat in Årsta. The baby is eleven days old, fed forty minutes ago and wants to feed again. Her mother has slept two hours since yesterday. Her father says he can take her, but she wants the breast. Neither of them knows whether this is how it is supposed to be. It is. And it is exactly as hard as it feels.
Feeding: more often than you expected
A newborn has a stomach the size of a cherry on day one and the size of an egg at one week. So they feed often: eight to twelve times a day, sometimes more. Breastfeeding works on demand, and demand is high. If your baby has formula, roughly the same rhythm applies. There are periods, often around one, three and six weeks, when your baby seems to want to feed all the time. Those are growth spurts, not a sign that the milk isn't enough. The sign that your baby is getting enough is the nappies: six or more wet ones a day after the first few days, and stools that have gone from dark to yellow. Weight normally drops by a few per cent in the first days and is back by around two weeks. BVC (the child health clinic every family is enrolled in) does the weighing; you don't need scales at home.
Sleep: a lot, but never for long
Newborns often sleep 16 to 18 hours a day. The problem is not the amount but that it happens in stretches of one to three hours, with no difference between day and night. The day-night rhythm comes gradually over the first months. What you can do from the start is simple: daylight and normal sounds in the daytime, dark and quiet at night, nappy changes in dim light and without chatting. Expect no results in the first weeks. What you can influence is your own sleep, and that is the most important section of this text.
Crying: the evenings are the worst
At two to three weeks, many newborns develop a spell in the evening, often from six to ten, when they are hard to comfort. It peaks around six weeks and fades at three to four months. It is not something you have done wrong. What helps some babies is being carried, close to the body, ideally in a sling, on the move, with a monotonous sound. Others want quiet and dark. You will have to try. If your baby cries for more than three hours a day several days a week, read Colic in babies and talk to BVC. And put your baby down in the cot and leave the room for a minute if you feel you can't take any more. That is allowed, and sometimes necessary.
What is normal and what is not
| Normal in the first weeks | Call BVC or 1177 |
|---|---|
| Feeds every two to three hours, sometimes more often | Refuses several feeds in a row, or sleeps more than four hours at a stretch without waking to feed |
| Loses weight in the first days, back to birth weight by two weeks | Isn't gaining weight at the BVC checks |
| Sneezes, hiccups, breathes irregularly with pauses of a few seconds | Breathes fast and with effort, pulls in between the ribs, goes blue around the mouth |
| Slightly yellowish skin on days two to four that fades | Yellowness that increases, spreads or is still there after two weeks |
| Cries in the evening, can be comforted by being carried | Lethargic, hard to wake, whimpers weakly instead of crying |
| Brings up a little milk after feeds | Projectile vomiting at several feeds, or green vomit |
| Body temperature below 38 degrees | Fever of 38 degrees or more: call 1177 straight away, always under three months of age |
What helps you cope
- Sleep in shifts. One takes the baby from nine to one, the other from one to five. Whoever is off sleeps in another room, with earplugs. Four hours in one go does more than eight hours in twenty-minute pieces. If you are breastfeeding, the other parent can take the baby after the feed: change, settle, carry.
- Visitors who are useful. Whoever comes brings food, cooks it, takes the baby for an hour so you can shower, and leaves. Visitors who expect to be offered coffee can wait until week eight.
- Lower the bar for everything else. The flat can be a mess. Food is whatever can be eaten with one hand. The laundry can wait.
- Go outside. One walk a day, with the baby in the pram or a sling, even if it is only round the block. It does more for your mood than any other single thing.
- Talk to BVC. They are there for you, not just for the baby. Say if you can't cope, if you cry a lot, if you don't feel anything for the baby. It is common, it can be helped and nobody judges. What the BVC visits look like is in BVC.
Siblings, and those who aren't newborn
If there is an older child in the family, the first weeks are often hardest for that child, not for the baby. A two-year-old doesn't understand why mum lies in bed all day with someone who only screams. What helps is someone other than the parents having time for the older child: grandma, a friend, a nanny who takes the afternoons so the two-year-old gets an adult with the energy to build towers. More on how to prepare for and handle it is in Preparing your child for a sibling.
How we do it with our families
We rarely look after newborns on their own in the first weeks, and that is rarely what families ask for. What they ask for is help with the older child. Doaa has a family in Kista who had their second child in August. She came three afternoons a week and took the four-year-old: pick-up from förskola (municipal preschool), the playground, a snack, bath. His mother lay in the bedroom with the baby and slept when she could. What Doaa did for the baby was nothing, and that was the point. What she did for the four-year-old was that he had someone who was just his, three days a week, in the period when nobody else had the energy. The note said what he had eaten, whether he had asked for mum and that he wanted to show the baby his drawing. We also have nannies with experience of infants, for families who need it, see A nanny for your baby.
This text is general information and does not replace advice from BVC, your vårdcentral (local health centre) or 1177. If you are worried about your child, call 1177. In an emergency, call 112.
Would you like a nanny who knows your child, knows what is usual for them and notices when something is different? Book a free first meeting with the nanny at your home.
Read more: Colic in babies · Baby sleep from 0 to 6 months · A nanny for your baby · BVC
Frequently asked questions
How often should a newborn feed?
Roughly every two to three hours, around the clock, so eight to twelve times a day in the first weeks. It is normal for your baby to want to feed more often in the evening and, in some periods, almost all the time. If more than four hours go by without your baby waking to feed in the first weeks, wake them and offer a feed, and ask BVC.
How many nappies should a baby go through a day?
After the first few days, six or more wet nappies a day is a sign that your baby is getting enough. Stools go from dark and sticky in the first days to yellow and loose. Fewer wet nappies, dark urine or a baby who doesn't wake to feed are reasons to call BVC or 1177 the same day.
When should we seek care for a newborn?
A fever of 38 degrees or more in a baby under three months should always be assessed by a healthcare professional; call 1177 straight away. The same applies if your baby is lethargic and hard to wake, breathes with effort, refuses several feeds in a row, vomits forcefully, or if the skin turns yellow and the yellowness increases. In an emergency, call 112.
Is it normal for my baby to cry in the evening?
Yes. Many newborns have a spell in the evening, often between six and ten, when they are hard to comfort. It usually starts at two to three weeks, peaks around six weeks and passes at three to four months. If the crying is extreme, more than three hours a day several days a week, read about colic and talk to BVC.
How much does a newborn sleep?
A lot, often 16 to 18 hours a day, but in short stretches of one to three hours. Newborns don't distinguish between day and night. That comes gradually over the first months. What you can do is light and activity in the daytime, dark and quiet at night, without expecting results in the first weeks.