A baby bedtime routine is the same three to five steps in the same order every evening, over 20 to 30 minutes, ending with your baby being put down in the cot. The routine can start at two to three months of age. It is the order and the calm that work, not which steps you choose.
It is quarter past six in Enskede. A five-month-old has had a bath, a massage, a song and a feed, and is still screaming. Her dad has read that she ought to be asleep by seven. She disagrees. Here is what a routine that sticks looks like, how to build one around your own family, and why the one on your phone doesn't work in your home.
Why routines work
Babies can't tell the time, but they recognise sequences very early. When the same things happen in the same order, the body knows what is coming and stress goes down. The routine becomes a signal: it is night now. Parents also get something that is often missing with a baby: an end point. After the last step you are done, even if your baby doesn't fall asleep straight away. Children with a fixed routine fall asleep faster on average and wake less, according to most of the sleep research, and it is one of the few pieces of sleep advice that is easy to put into practice.
A routine that sticks, step by step
| Time | Step | Why |
|---|---|---|
| 17:30 | Milk, or dinner for a baby who has started solids | A full baby falls asleep more easily, but not in the middle of a feed |
| 18:00 | Calm play on the floor, lights dimmed, screens off in the room | Winding down. The last hour should be boring |
| 18:20 | Nappy, pyjamas, a bath two or three evenings a week | A bath every evening dries out the skin and winds some babies up |
| 18:30 | Breast or bottle in the dimmed room | The last feed, in peace and quiet. Not in the cot |
| 18:45 | The same song or the same book every evening | The signal. Your baby knows the next step is the cot |
| 18:50 | Into the cot, awake or drowsy, the same phrase every time | Practising falling asleep where they will wake up |
| 19:00 | Light off, you leave the room | End point |
Bedtime between 6 and 8 pm is common from three to four months. But it is the awake time since the last nap that decides, not the clock. A baby who woke at half past four and can manage two hours should go down at half past six. One who slept until six should go down closer to eight. The routine is the same; the start time moves.
Falling asleep alone or in your arms?
There are two camps here, and you don't need to join either. Babies who fall asleep at the breast or in your arms often resettle the same way when they wake between sleep cycles at night, and that is why many parents want their baby to be able to fall asleep in the cot. Putting a baby down drowsy but awake works well for some babies and not at all for others. Nobody is harmed by falling asleep in your arms, and no baby is spoiled by it. What we don't recommend is leaving a small baby to scream alone for long; before six months, 1177 (the national healthcare helpline) advises against such methods, and we agree. From around six months there are gentler routes: sitting next to the cot, a hand on the tummy, reducing the support a little at a time over a couple of weeks. BVC (the child health clinic every family is enrolled in) can help you choose.
What usually sabotages the routine
- Bedtime too late. An overtired baby has stress hormones in the body and can't fall asleep even though they need to. Put them down earlier than you think.
- Bedtime too early. A baby who isn't tired protests for forty minutes. Look at the awake time since the last nap.
- Screens in the room. Even if they are facing the other way. The phone goes in the hallway.
- A different routine on different evenings, or different between the parents. Write the steps down and both do the same thing.
- A routine that is too long. Three quarters of an hour with a bath, a massage, three books and two songs. Your baby has time to get overtired halfway through.
- Only one parent can do it. If everything hinges on breastfeeding, nobody else can put the baby down. Let the other parent do the song and the putting down from the start.
- Evening fussiness. Between three weeks and three months there is an evening crying spell that no routine can touch. It passes by itself. See Evening fussiness in babies.
When the routine stops working
It will happen: teeth, a cold, travel, the four-month sleep regression, separation anxiety at eight to ten months. The routine that worked for six weeks suddenly doesn't. Don't rebuild everything. Keep the steps, accept a week of worse nights and go back to normal as soon as you can. Your baby isn't broken, and the routine isn't wrong. What looks like a setback is usually a developmental phase that passes. When the naps change, from three to two and later to one, bedtime moves with them, usually earlier than you think.
A routine with siblings
With two children of different ages, the evening becomes a logistics problem. What usually works is putting the baby down first while the older sibling gets some time of their own, a book on the sofa or some calm play, and then the sibling's routine. Or the other way round if the baby still falls asleep late. What doesn't work is trying to do both at the same time with one adult. If you are a single parent, or one who often works evenings, this is the shift many families get help with.
How we do it with our families
With a family in Täby with an eight-month-old baby and a three-year-old, Sanna comes three evenings a week at five. She gives both of them dinner, baths the baby while the three-year-old helps with the flannel, puts the baby down at quarter to seven with the same song the parents use (it is on the note in the kitchen) and then has half an hour just with the three-year-old before his bedtime. When the parents get home at half past seven, both are asleep. It isn't magic; it is doing exactly what they do, at exactly the same time, and the children knowing who she is.
This text is general information and does not replace advice from BVC, your vårdcentral (local health centre) or 1177. If you are worried about your child, call 1177. In an emergency, call 112.
Would you like a nanny who knows your child, knows what is usual for them and notices when something is different? Book a free first meeting with the nanny at your home.
Read more: Baby sleep from 0 to 6 months · Swedish lullabies · Evening fussiness in babies · FAQ
Frequently asked questions
When can I start a bedtime routine?
From around two to three months, when the day-night rhythm starts to appear. Before that, babies sleep according to feeds and tiredness, not the clock. But nothing stops you doing the same calm things every evening from the start; it does no harm, and you build a habit yourselves.
How long should the routine be?
Twenty to thirty minutes is enough. A routine of three quarters of an hour becomes a battle, with a baby who has time to get overtired. If a bath is included, do it first and don't count it in the twenty minutes. What matters is the order and the calm, not the number of steps.
What time should a baby go to bed?
Between 6 and 8 pm is common from around three to four months, but the awake time since the last nap matters more than the clock. A baby who woke from the last nap at half past four and can manage two hours should go down at half past six, whatever the schedule says. Before three months there is rarely any fixed bedtime at all.
Should my baby fall asleep on their own?
It is a choice, not a must. Babies who have learned to fall asleep in the cot often resettle more easily between sleep cycles, and that is why many parents aim for it. But no baby is harmed by falling asleep in your arms, and methods that involve leaving a baby to cry are advised against before six months. Try putting your baby down drowsy but awake now and then, and see how it goes.
What do I do if my baby screams when I put them down?
Wait half a minute: grizzling is not screaming. If your baby is really screaming, pick them up, soothe them, put them down again. It may take a few rounds. If it carries on every evening for weeks, the bedtime may be wrong, usually too late, or your baby may have needed a shorter routine. Talk to BVC if you are stuck.