Most dental professionals recommend that a child gives up the dummy (pacifier) by around the age of three at the latest, and preferably earlier, so the bite has time to correct itself. The easiest route is in two steps: first the dummy only for sleep, then not at all. Choose a calm period with no new sibling, no settling in at preschool and no house move, and expect a few hard evenings.
A two-year-old on Kungsholmen, half past six in the evening. The dummy has been lost at a café. Dad is searching bags and under the pram, Mum is driving to a pharmacy that is open late. That is what dummy dependence looks like in the parents. The child, incidentally, fell asleep without it, after twenty minutes of whingeing, before Mum was back.
Why the dummy is good, and when it stops being so
The dummy meets a real need in the first year: the urge to suck is strong, the dummy comforts, and a dummy at sleep time appears to reduce the risk of sudden infant death, which 1177 (the national healthcare helpline) and Socialstyrelsen (the National Board of Health and Welfare) both mention. If you are breastfeeding, the advice is to wait with the dummy until feeding is established, usually a few weeks. Up to that point, the dummy is an asset.
After the age of one the benefit fades, and after two to three the costs begin: a child with a dummy in their mouth all day babbles and talks less, and prolonged sucking can affect the bite, above all so that the front teeth do not meet. Most of that corrects itself if the child stops before around three; after that it becomes a matter for the dentist. Some studies also show slightly more ear infections in children who use a dummy during the day. None of this is a catastrophe, but it is the reason not to wait until four.
Which age is best?
| Age | Advantages | Disadvantages |
|---|---|---|
| Under 1 year | Easy, the child forgets within a few days, no bite problems | The urge to suck is strong, the dummy protects sleep, the thumb may take over |
| 1 to 2 years | Quick, the child does not negotiate | The child does not understand reasoning, hard nights, often in the middle of the tantrum years |
| 2 to 3 years | The child understands, can be part of the decision, rituals like the dummy fairy work | A stronger habit, the child negotiates and can hold out for a long time |
| Over 3 years | The child can be motivated and proud of being a big kid | The bite may already be affected, the habit is deep, the dentist wants you to hurry |
Step one: the dummy only for sleep
You can take this step early, from around the age of one, and it removes most of the disadvantages without much crying. The rule is simple: the dummy lives in the bed. It does not come along in the pram, to förskola (municipal preschool, from age one), to the sofa or to the dinner table. When the child wakes up, the dummy stays in the bed; when it is time to sleep, it is there. The child protests for a few days and then accepts it, because the rule is clear and the same every time. The gain shows straight away in their speech, and the child learns to comfort itself in other ways during the day. Many families stay at this stage for a year or more, and that is perfectly fine.
Step two: gone for good, four ways
- Cold turkey. The dummy disappears one Saturday, and it does not come back. Three to five evenings of crying, then it is done. The most effective method, and the one that demands the most of you.
- The dummy fairy, the tree or the babies. From around two and a half. The dummy is hung in a tree, left for the dummy fairy under the pillow or sent to babies who need it, and something small comes in return. Works when the child is on board and you have talked about it for a week beforehand.
- Gradually. The dummy only for falling asleep, removed from the mouth once the child is asleep, and after a few weeks only for the daytime nap, then not at all. Gentler, but longer, and harder to be consistent with.
- Snip a small hole in the teat. The suction disappears and many children lose interest on their own within a few days. Check carefully that no pieces can come loose, and do not switch to a new intact dummy when the child complains.
Which method you choose matters less than sticking to it. A child who got the dummy back after two evenings of crying has learned that crying works, and the next attempt will take longer.
What helps during the first nights
- Keep the bedtime routine exactly as usual, perhaps with an extra song. See Baby bedtime routine.
- Give them something else to hold: a comfort blanket, a cuddly toy, your jumper.
- Prepare the child a few days ahead, if they are old enough: on Saturday the dummy fairy is coming to collect the dummy.
- Every adult who puts the child to bed holds the same line, grandma and the nanny included.
- Stay by the bed if needed the first few evenings. That is not a step backwards, it is comfort.
- Tell the preschool, so they do not give the dummy at rest time.
- Expect three to seven evenings. Write down how long it took each evening, so you can see it is heading in the right direction.
If it does not work
Sometimes it is the wrong week: the child falls ill on day two, or you are too tired yourselves to hold out. In that case give up openly, wait a month and try again under better conditions, rather than half stopping for three months. The thumb may appear as a replacement, and it is harder to take away, but most children give that up on their own too. If the sucking continues past four or five, talk to the dentist. Folktandvården (the public dental service) calls children in for a first check-up somewhere between the ages of one and three depending on the region, and the bite is one of the things they look at.
How we do it with our families
A family in Sollentuna asked Esther to help when their two-and-a-half-year-old was giving up his dummy. They chose a week when Esther had all three afternoons including the daytime nap, and put him to bed themselves in the evenings. Esther did exactly the same as the parents: the dummy had gone to the babies at the maternity ward, a new comfort blanket, the same book, a hand on his back until he fell asleep. On the first day the nap took forty minutes to arrive, on the third day ten. The note said exactly how long, so the parents could see the curve and did not give up in the evening when it was at its worst.
This text is general information and does not replace advice from BVC (the child health clinic every family is enrolled in), your vårdcentral (local health centre) or 1177. If you are worried about your child, call 1177. In an emergency, call 112.
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Read more: Baby bedtime routine · When do children start talking? Language development from babbling to sentences · Brushing children's teeth · FAQ
Frequently asked questions
When should children give up the dummy?
Dentists usually recommend by around the age of three at the latest, and preferably earlier, so the bite has time to correct itself. From around the age of one it is a good idea to limit the dummy to sleep. But choose the timing to suit the family: not alongside a new sibling, settling in at preschool, a move or illness.
Is the dummy bad for the teeth?
Prolonged dummy use, especially around the clock after the age of two to three, can cause an open bite or a crossbite. If the child stops before around three, it usually corrects itself. A child who only has the dummy for sleep during the first years rarely has any lasting problems. The dentist checks the bite at the routine visits.
Does the dummy fairy work?
For children from around two and a half who are on board with the idea, yes. The dummy is hung in a tree, left for the dummy fairy or sent to the babies, and something small comes in return. What makes it work is that the child takes part and that you do not reverse the decision after two evenings. For younger children it does not work; they do not understand the exchange.
What do we do if the child starts sucking their thumb instead?
Some children switch to the thumb, and that is harder to take away. It can rarely be prevented, but you can give a comfort blanket or a cuddly toy to hold in their hands at bedtime, and avoid making a big deal of the thumb. Most children stop on their own as they get older. Talk to the dentist if it continues past four or five.
How long will the child cry?
Expect three to seven hard evenings, often worst on the second or third. The crying usually gets shorter each evening: forty minutes, then twenty, then five. If you give the dummy back on the third evening, you start again from zero, with a child who has learned that screaming pays. Decide for real before you begin.