Help by sitting beside your child, not opposite: read the task aloud together, ask how they are thinking about it, and let mistakes stay in the book. Children in years 1 to 3 rarely manage more than fifteen to twenty minutes of concentration at a stretch. The homework is your child's, not yours, and the teacher needs to see what your child can actually do.
Quarter to five on a Tuesday in Huddinge. An eight-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table with a maths book, crying. Dad is standing behind him explaining for the third time how to count in tens, in a voice that gets more teacherly with every attempt. It is not going to work today. The homework was meant to take fifteen minutes, forty have passed, and what really happened is that Dad took over in minute three. Here is what to do instead, and how to tell when helping has become too much.
What homework is for
Homework in the early school years is almost never about learning something new. It is about repeating what was covered at school, building a habit and giving the teacher a picture of what the child can do on their own. That last part matters: if you correct everything and explain things your way, the teacher sees a false picture and cannot help the child with what is actually hard. A piece of homework with three mistakes the child made alone is worth more than a flawless one you did together.
| Stage | Typical homework | Reasonable time | Your role |
|---|---|---|---|
| Förskoleklass (the preschool year before year 1) | Reading a book together, letter exercises | 5 to 10 minutes | Read, play, listen. No correcting |
| Years 1 to 3 | Reading homework, the odd maths sheet, vocabulary | 15 to 20 minutes | Sit beside them, read the instructions, ask how the child is thinking |
| Years 4 to 6 | Reading comprehension, maths, social studies texts, vocabulary, sometimes assignments | 20 to 40 minutes | Help with planning and structure, less with content |
Where and when
The same time every day, so homework doesn't turn into a daily negotiation. For most children in the early school years, after a snack and some time outdoors, before dinner, works best. Straight after school the child is too tired, and after dinner it is evening. The place should be wherever you are, usually the kitchen table, with no screens nearby and no little siblings tugging at the paper. Children who do homework in their room with the door shut rarely do it. And have everything out before you start: pencil, rubber, the book. Looking for a pencil for ten minutes is the best way to avoid homework.
How to help without taking over
- Read the task aloud together. Half of all mistakes come from the child not understanding the question, not from being unable to do the maths.
- Ask how your child is thinking about it. "How did you do it at school?" The child has a method, and it is often different from yours. Use the child's.
- Wait. Count silently to ten before you say anything. Children think more slowly than adults can bear to wait.
- Let mistakes happen. Don't correct in the book. At most, say "have another look at this one" if it is obvious carelessness. The rest is the teacher's job.
- Help with the first task, not the last. Once the child gets going, they often do the rest on their own.
- Finish on time. When the time is up, the homework is over, even if it isn't done. Write a line to the teacher if it happens often.
- Praise the effort, not the result. "You stayed with it and kept trying" is what the child should take away. Have a look at our guide to Praise that makes children stronger, and praise that makes them insecure.
What doesn't work
- Explaining it your way. School doesn't do arithmetic the way you did in 1995. Two methods at once is confusing.
- Correcting everything. The child learns to wait for you instead of checking their own work, and the teacher doesn't see what the child can do.
- Doing the task. Everyone understands why it happens, it is six o'clock and everyone is tired. It still helps no one.
- Nagging. "Have you done your homework?" ten times an afternoon is no substitute for a fixed time that holds.
- Tying homework to punishment or screen time. Then homework becomes a negotiation about something else.
- Sitting opposite. That is an interrogation. Beside is company.
Reading homework: the one that matters most
If you only have the energy for one thing, choose the reading homework. Reading for twenty minutes a day, aloud or silently depending on age, has the biggest effect on how a child does at school in every subject. Take turns: the child reads a page, you read a page. Talk about what is happening. Don't correct every misread word, only the ones that break the meaning. And keep reading aloud to your child long after they can read on their own; that is something different from reading homework, and there is a separate guide to Reading to children.
When your child refuses
Daily homework battles are not worth it. If there are tears and shouting more than one day a week, find out why before you change your approach. Too hard is the most common reason, and you can tell because the child avoids particular tasks. Too boring is the second most common, and shortening the time and sitting with them helps. A way of getting your attention is the third, and that one you solve with ten minutes of one-to-one time that has nothing to do with homework. If none of that helps: talk to the teacher. The school is responsible for making sure the child can manage the homework, and many teachers are grateful to hear that it isn't working at home. It can lead to less homework, other support, or an assessment if the child is struggling with reading. None of those things happen if you sit at home struggling in silence.
A nanny who does homework with your child
Many of our families have a nanny who picks up from fritids (after-school care) or school and takes the homework slot before the parents get home. It often works better than with the parents, not because the nanny knows more, but because she isn't tired, has no agenda of her own about how it ought to go, and is there at exactly that moment. The child does the homework in peace, and when you get home the evening is free. Read more about A nanny with homework help.
How we do it with our families
Esther picks up a nine-year-old from fritids in Hägersten at four o'clock, three days a week, and homework is done at the kitchen table at half past four, after a snack. She sits beside him with her own book. When he gets stuck, she asks how they did it at school, and then she waits. She corrects nothing. At five it is over regardless. On the note she writes what was hard and whether anything didn't get done, so the parents can write to the teacher. The reading homework they do on the sofa: he reads a page, she reads a page. The same person three days a week means he knows exactly how the slot goes, and has stopped protesting about it.
Would you like a nanny who comes on the same days every week and whom the children know? Book a free first meeting with the nanny in your home, and we will work out a quote for your hours.
Read more: A nanny with homework help · Reading to children · Starting school in Stockholm · Prices
Frequently asked questions
How much should I help with homework?
As little as possible, but be present. Sit beside your child, read the task together, ask how they are thinking about it and let mistakes happen now and then. The teacher needs to see what the child can do alone. You are there to provide structure and company, not to be an extra teacher.
When in the day is it best to do homework?
After a snack and some time outdoors, before dinner, for most children in the early school years. Straight after school the child is worn out, and after dinner it is evening. Find a time that is the same every day, so you never have to negotiate about when, and keep to it even on days when the homework is small.
How long can children concentrate on homework?
Children in years 1 to 3 rarely more than fifteen to twenty minutes at a stretch. Years 4 to 6 perhaps thirty. Take a break rather than nagging. If homework takes much longer than that every day, it is worth talking to the teacher about the amount or whether the child needs other support.
My child refuses to do homework, what do I do?
Find out why first. Is it too hard, too boring, or a way of getting your attention? Keep the time short and predictable, sit with them, and don't tie homework to punishment. If it continues, talk to the teacher. Daily homework battles at home are not worth it, and the school can often help.
Can a nanny help with homework?
Yes, as part of the childcare. The nanny sits beside the child, makes sure the homework gets done in peace and reads the reading homework together with them. It is covered by childcare with the RUT deduction as long as it is childcare and not a separate tutoring service.