Mornings with children get calmer when everything that can be done the evening before is done: clothes laid out, bag packed, breakfast decided. Wake your child fifteen minutes earlier than you think is needed, give breakfast before getting dressed, and have a fixed order your child can manage alone. The goal is out of the door without anyone shouting, not a perfect morning.
Ten past seven on a Monday in Hammarby sjöstad. A four-year-old is standing in the hall with one sock, a three-year-old has taken his jacket off again, and the parent doing the drop-off has just enough time to think that she is already late for the meeting at half past eight. This is not a patience problem. It is a planning problem, and it was largely solved the evening before, or not.
The evening before: what makes the morning
Most of a good morning happens between eight and nine the evening before. It takes ten minutes and saves half an hour and a lot of bad temper.
- Clothes laid out, the whole set, in the right order, on a chair in your child's room. Let children from three choose between two options in the evening, not in the morning
- Bag packed with spare clothes, nappies if needed, whatever förskola (municipal preschool, from age one) has asked for. Put it by the door
- Outdoor clothes in their place, including both mittens. Do not go looking for mittens at seven o'clock
- Breakfast decided, the table laid, the porridge or fil (Swedish soured milk) out. Your child should not be choosing breakfast in the morning
- Your own things: keys, laptop, SL card (for Stockholm's public transport). Everything you hunt for stresses the children more than it stresses you
- Bedtime was kept. A child who fell asleep an hour too late cannot be routined out of it in the morning
A morning step by step
The example is for a family with one child aged three to five who is dropped off at förskola at quarter to eight.
| Time | Step | Who |
|---|---|---|
| 06:30 | Parent up, coffee, gets dressed in peace | Adult |
| 06:45 | Child is woken: light on, blind up, a hand on the back, a minute in bed | Adult and child |
| 06:55 | Breakfast in pyjamas, no screens. Adult sits down too | Everyone |
| 07:15 | Toilet, wash face, teeth | Child with help |
| 07:20 | Getting dressed in the bedroom, the clothes are laid out | Child, adult helps with the last bits |
| 07:30 | Outdoor clothes, bag, shoes. The same order every day | Everyone |
| 07:35 | Out of the door. Ten minutes' margin to förskola | Everyone |
Breakfast before clothes, and other rules of order
The order matters. Children who eat in pyjamas spill without consequences, and a child with food in their stomach is easier to dress. After breakfast come the teeth, and after the teeth the clothes. Do not change the order from day to day. It is the order your child learns, not the clock, and a child who knows the order does not need steering as much.
Play in the morning is a trap. The child who finds the Lego at seven will not want to get dressed at twenty past. Either you have so much time that play gets a fixed slot, with warning before it ends, or there is no play in the morning at all. The latter is easier.
A picture schedule for children from two
Children between two and six work better with pictures than with words in the morning. A picture schedule on the fridge or in the hall, with five to seven pictures in order, lets your child see for themselves what comes next. Photograph your child doing each step: eating breakfast, brushing teeth, putting on the jacket. Put the pictures up in order and point: what comes now? Many children start steering themselves after a couple of weeks, and some start steering you.
What ruins a morning
| Ruins it | Swap for |
|---|---|
| Screens at breakfast or before | Screens are gone in the morning. Completely. It is easier than a ten-minute rule |
| Child chooses clothes at seven o'clock | Two options in the evening, the choice is made |
| Parent does their own things at the same time | Adult up fifteen minutes before the child |
| Negotiating about breakfast | One breakfast, decided in the evening, with a small choice of topping |
| Hurrying: quick, quick, quick | Warning: we leave in five minutes. Then: we are leaving now |
| Play that gets interrupted | No play in the morning, or play with a fixed end |
Children who will not get up
A child who is impossible to wake is sleeping too little, almost always. The solution lies in the evening: half an hour earlier bedtime for a week usually does more than anything you can do at seven. What helps in the morning is light: switch it on, pull up the blind, let the room become day before you say a word. Then a hand on the back, a minute in bed, and a fixed first thing to do. The winter half of the year in Stockholm is dark until well after eight, and many families get a lot out of a wake-up lamp that comes on gradually.
The child who instead wakes at five and is wide awake is a different matter, which we cover in our guide to Children who wake up too early.
When one of you starts early
Many families in Stockholm have one parent who starts work at seven or commutes, and then the other carries the whole morning alone with two children. A nanny who comes at half past six three mornings a week, takes breakfast, getting dressed and the drop-off, is one of the most common arrangements we have. It is the same person every time, so the children know who is coming, and it qualifies for RUT (the Swedish tax deduction for household services, taken off the invoice directly) like other childcare in the home. See our prices.
How we do it with our families
Nike has morning shifts with a family in Bromma where the mother starts at seven at the hospital. Nike arrives at quarter past six, and the first thing she does is put the coffee on and lay out breakfast, so the kitchen is ready when the children wake. She wakes the five-year-old first, because he needs more time, and the two-year-old ten minutes later. The picture schedule is on the fridge, and the five-year-old gets to be the one who points out the next step to his little sister. They are out of the door at twenty past seven, and the note says what the children ate and whether anyone was grumpy, so the father who picks up knows how the day started.
This text is general information and does not replace advice from BVC (the child health clinic every family in Sweden is enrolled in), your vårdcentral (local health centre) or 1177 (the national healthcare helpline). If you are worried about your child, call 1177. In an emergency, call 112.
Would you like a nanny who knows your child, knows what is normal for them and notices when something is different? Book a free first meeting with the nanny in your home.
Read more: Bedtime routine for children · Children who wake up too early · Preschool drop-off without tears · Prices
Frequently asked questions
How early should we wake our child?
Count backwards from when you have to leave, and add fifteen minutes more than you think. A child aged three to five needs about 45 minutes to an hour from waking to the door if breakfast is included. If your child has to be woken every day and is tired, bedtime is too late, not the morning too early.
Breakfast first or clothes first?
Breakfast first. A child who has eaten is easier to dress, and a child in pyjamas spills without it mattering. The only exception is children who fall back asleep at the table, where getting dressed quickly can wake the body up. Try it for a week and see which gives the least conflict.
What do we do with a child who refuses to get dressed?
Lay the clothes out the evening before, let your child choose between two options, and give warning before it is time. If that does not help: dress your child calmly while you talk about something else. It is not a defeat. It is a three-year-old in the morning, and it passes.
Can a nanny take the mornings?
Yes. We have families where the nanny comes at half past six, takes breakfast, getting dressed and the drop-off at förskola, so that one parent can start work early. It counts as childcare in the home and qualifies for the RUT deduction. The same person every time, so the morning is not a new situation for your child.