A bedtime routine that holds is the same every evening, takes 30 to 45 minutes from bath to lights out and always moves in the same direction: from movement to stillness, from light to dark. Dinner, play, bath, pyjamas, teeth, book, lights out. Your child should know what comes next without having to ask.
It is twenty past six on a Thursday in Sundbyberg. Dinner has just finished, a two-year-old is sitting under the table and a five-year-old wants to watch a film. Dad knows they are supposed to be asleep in an hour and that it will not happen unless something starts now. What he needs is not more patience. What he needs is an order the children already know, so the next step comes by itself.
Why the routine matters more than the clock
Small children cannot tell the time, but they can learn an order. A child who knows that bath comes after play, book after teeth and lights out after the book argues less about each step, because the steps are not negotiable, they just come. The brain sets itself for sleep when the same things happen in the same sequence, and you can see it: the child yawns at tooth brushing, not because they are tired but because tooth brushing means sleep is near.
It also means the routine can shift by half an hour on a Saturday without breaking, as long as the order is the same. What breaks it is when steps are swapped or skipped: a film instead of a book, no bath but a long play, a night in your bed.
Step by step from dinner to lights out
The times below are for a child aged two to five who should be asleep at seven. Shift everything by half an hour or an hour for older children.
| Time | Step | What happens |
|---|---|---|
| 17:30 | Dinner | The same time every day if possible. No screens at the table |
| 18:00 | Play | Free play, ideally with some movement. This is the last chance to burn off energy |
| 18:20 | Warning | In five minutes it is bath time. Then: now it is bath time. No negotiations |
| 18:25 | Bath or wash | Ten minutes. Warm water, then a cool room, sets the body up for sleep |
| 18:40 | Pyjamas and teeth | Your child does what they can themselves. You brush the teeth, your child gets to brush first |
| 18:50 | Book in bed | Lights dimmed. A set number of books, said out loud beforehand |
| 19:00 | Lights out | The same sentence every evening. Then you leave, or stay according to your plan |
What you do at each step
- Dinner needs to be ready on time. It is what drives the whole evening. If you collect late, it is wise to have dinner prepared in the morning or on Sunday.
- Play is the only part that is allowed to be wild. Cushions on the floor, chasing, building. Twenty minutes is enough. Then the winding down begins, and it only goes one way.
- The warning does more than anything else to avoid meltdowns. Children hate being interrupted, not having a bath. Five minutes, then one minute, then now. A kitchen timer works well for three- to six-year-olds.
- The bath is a wind-down, not a game. Toys in the bath are fine, but keep it short and calm. What happens after the bath should be quieter than the bath.
- Pyjamas and teeth go faster if the clothes are laid out and your child gets to do some of it themselves. You should brush the teeth yourselves until about the age of ten, but your child gets to start.
- The book is read in bed, not on the sofa. The lights are dimmed. The number of books is set. This is when you talk about the day, briefly, if your child wants to.
- Lights out is followed by the same sentence every evening. Good night, I love you, see you in the morning. Then the evening is over. Everything that comes after, water, a wee, a question, should have been done before.
Screens: off an hour before
Screens in the evening do two things: the light from the screen pushes tiredness back, and the content winds the child up. A film after dinner is the most common reason the routine falls apart in the families we visit. If you want screen time in the evening, put it before dinner and switch it off an hour before your child is due to sleep. Folkhälsomyndigheten (the Public Health Agency of Sweden) advises no screens at all under two and at most an hour a day for two- to five-year-olds, and that hour does the most good in the afternoon. More in our guide to Screen time for children.
What usually breaks the routine
- Late pick-up. Home at quarter to six, dinner at half past six, and the routine starts an hour late. The solution is having dinner ready before you get home, or someone else collecting
- Two parents, two routines. Your child tests whichever is softest. Write the routine down and do the same
- Siblings of different ages. Put the youngest to bed first while the older one reads alone, or put them to bed at the same time and give the older one an extra quarter of an hour with their own book afterwards
- Weekends. An hour later on Saturday is fine. Two hours later and a lie-in on Sunday gives you a Monday everyone remembers
- Visits and travel. Bring the book, the soft toy and the same sentence. The rest can be different
- You yourselves. Tired parents negotiate. A no at lights out is a no, and it is easier to say when you decided it beforehand
Routines for different ages
| Age | Lights out | In particular |
|---|---|---|
| 6 to 12 months | 18:30 to 19:00 | Short routine, 20 minutes: bath, nappy, feed, song. See our guide to settling a baby |
| 1 to 2 years | 18:30 to 19:00 | Picture book, the same book is good. Soft toy. A simple sentence at lights out |
| 3 to 5 years | 19:00 to 19:30 | The warning is everything. A set number of books. A night light if your child wants one |
| 6 to 9 years | 19:30 to 20:30 | A shower can replace the bath. Reading alone or a chapter book. Screens off an hour before |
| 10 to 12 years | 20:30 to 21:00 | Your child does most of it themselves. The phone charges in the kitchen, not the bedroom |
Babies have their own guide to Baby bedtime routine, and to find out how much sleep your child needs there is our Sleep schedule for children by age.
How we do it with our families
Esther comes to a family on Lidingö Monday to Wednesday and takes the whole evening, since both parents commute and are not home until half past seven. She collects at four, and dinner is ready at half past five, because she prepares it while the children play. The routine is written on the fridge with pictures, and the three-year-old points to the next step herself. Esther reads two books, never three, and says the same sentence the parents say. The note says what the children ate, when the lights went out and whether anyone fell asleep later than usual, so the parents know why the morning was the way it was.
This text is general information and does not replace advice from BVC (the child health clinic every family is enrolled in), your vårdcentral (local health centre) or 1177 (the national healthcare helpline). If you are worried about your child, call 1177. In an emergency, call 112.
Would you like a nanny who knows your child, knows how they usually are and notices when something is different? Book a free first meeting with the nanny in your home.
Read more: Baby bedtime routine · Child who will not sleep alone · Sleep schedule for children by age · Prices
Frequently asked questions
How long should a bedtime routine be?
Between 30 and 45 minutes from bath to lights out, including the book. Any longer and your child has time to wake up again, any shorter and it feels like being dismissed. Count backwards from the time your child should be asleep, and start the routine on time even if the dishes are still there.
Does my child have to have a bath every evening?
No. Two or three times a week is enough for the skin, but many children do well with water as part of the routine. On the evenings you do not bathe, the same slot in the routine can be washing face and hands at the basin. The point is that the same steps come in the same order, not that it is a bath.
What do we do when two parents do it differently?
Decide the routine together and write it down, ideally as a picture chart on the wall for children under six. Your child should know the routine so well that it is the routine that rules, not who is doing bedtime. Small differences are fine, but the same order and the same bedtime need to apply whoever is at home.
How many books should we read?
Decide the number before you start and stick to it. One book or two pages of a chapter book is common. Let your child choose within that limit. Negotiating one more after lights out is what drags the evening out the most, so say the number out loud before you open the book.