Settling in at förskola (municipal preschool, from age one), known as inskolning, normally takes one to two weeks. Most preschools in Stockholm use the parent-active model: three to five days where you are there the whole time, then gradually shorter days without you. The most important things you can do are to say goodbye clearly, keep the days short for the first few weeks, and not book anything important at work until week three.
Inskolning is the first big transition in a child's life, and it is at least as big for the parents. Monday at nine o'clock you are standing in a hallway in Hägersten with a fifteen-month-old on your hip, a cubby with your child's name on it and a pedagog (preschool teacher) telling you to sit down on the floor. Here is what actually happens, how the different models work, and how to plan the weeks around it so that nothing falls apart.
Two models of settling in
| Parent-active | Traditional | |
|---|---|---|
| Length | 3 to 5 days | 1 to 2 weeks |
| The parent's role | There all day, joining in the play | There for shorter and shorter spells |
| First day without a parent | Day 4 to 6, short | Week 2, short |
| Most common at | Most preschools in Stockholm | Smaller preschools, dagbarnvårdare (registered childminders) |
| Suits | Children who need to see their parent relaxed in the new setting | Children who need a slow adjustment |
Ask the preschool which model they use before you start, and plan your time off around it. The parent-active model needs you completely free on those days: you cannot sit in the corner with a laptop. And the traditional model needs someone who can collect in the middle of the day for two weeks, which is just as hard to fit around a job.
Before the first day
Most of inskolning is decided before it begins. A child who has slept enough, has seen the playground before and has heard the preschool's name at home for a month has a head start. Here is how to use the weeks beforehand:
- Walk past the playground. A few afternoons at the preschool's playground after closing time, so that the gate, the sandpit and the slide are familiar when the day comes.
- Shift the routines. If your child gets up at half past seven and naps at one, start moving them towards the preschool's timetable a couple of weeks ahead. A child who is tired at ten in the morning will struggle to like anything.
- Talk about it, but not too much. Mention the name of the preschool and the teacher in passing, without turning it into a project. Three-year-olds want details, one-year-olds just need to hear your calm voice.
- Fill in the forms in advance. Allergies, sleep habits, who is allowed to collect. Writing it at home in peace comes out better than doing it standing in the hallway on day one.
Week by week
- Week 1, inskolning. You are there. Be active, play, show your child that you like the place. Your child reads you, not the room.
- Week 2, short days. Drop off in the morning, collect after lunch or after the nap. Book nothing at work that cannot be interrupted.
- Week 3, almost full days. Pick-up in the late afternoon. This is when most children catch their first cold, so count on it.
- Weeks 4 to 6, it settles. Your child knows the staff, has a favourite adult and knows where things are. Afternoon tiredness peaks now.
Saying goodbye at drop-off
The same rule as the first time with a nanny: say goodbye clearly, say when you are coming back in your child's terms, ”after the afternoon snack”, and go. Children who cry at drop-off almost always stop within a few minutes. The staff have seen it a thousand times. What you must never do is come back in to comfort them; then your child learns that crying makes the parent stay.
Make the goodbye a ritual with the same words and the same steps every morning: hang up the jacket, hug, wave at the window, go. The ritual is what carries you on the mornings when your child is tired or sad. And never sneak out while your child is looking away. It feels gentle in the moment, but a child who discovers that mum vanished without warning will watch the door for weeks.
What is normal, and what to raise with the preschool
| Reaction | Normal | Raise it with the preschool if |
|---|---|---|
| Crying at drop-off | The first two to three weeks, often over within five minutes | The crying carries on well into the morning after a month |
| Clingy and tired in the evening | The whole first term | Your child stops eating or sleeps much worse than before for several weeks |
| Does not want to go in the morning | Common after weekends and illness | Your child says the same thing about the same child or the same adult every time |
| Setbacks with potty, dummy or sleep | Common, passes by itself | It has not passed within a month |
| Does not talk about the day | Most toddlers cannot retell their day | Your child goes quiet or looks frightened when the preschool is mentioned |
What nobody tells you: the afternoons
Guides to settling in are all about the mornings. But it is the afternoons that break. A newly settled child is exhausted by three, and the preschool day does not end until five. Many parents get through the first weeks with half days, and then that runs out, and there you are with a tired child, a full working day and a preschool that is closing.
This is where a nanny makes the biggest difference: not during inskolning, but in the weeks after. Someone who collects at three for the first few months, so that your child gets short days and you get full ones. And because it is the same person every time, pick-up becomes part of the routine instead of yet another new adult.
The illnesses of the first term
A child who starts preschool meets more viruses in a few months than in their whole life so far. A runny nose in October, Fever in children in November, a stomach bug in December. It is not the preschool's fault and not a sign that your child is unhappy, it is the immune system doing its job. Plan for it now: who takes VAB on which days, how you split it, and what you do on the days neither of you can be at home. Families who decided this in August argue less in November.
Practical things before the start
- Label all the clothes. All of them. Even the socks.
- Two spare changes of clothes in the cubby, not one.
- Leave a photo of the family for your child to keep in their cubby.
- Tell the staff about sleep routines, allergies and the words your child uses for wee and poo.
- Expect illness. In the first term, children are at home on average every third week.
- Register in the first week who is allowed to collect: grandma, a neighbour, the nanny. It saves a phone call on the day you need it.
How we do it with our families
Nike has a family in Bromma whose daughter started preschool in August, just after she turned one. The parents did the settling-in week themselves. From week two, Nike came instead: she had been along to two pick-ups together with the mother, so the staff recognised her, and at three o'clock she was at the gate with the pram. At home it was an afternoon snack, a quiet spell on the floor and dinner prepared by the time the parents came home at half past five. On the note on the kitchen table she wrote the same three lines every day: whether the daughter had napped, how she was at pick-up, and what she had eaten. After six weeks the family moved pick-up to four, and in November to half past four. The same nanny the whole way, and a child who knew exactly who was waiting at the gate.
Would you like a nanny who comes on the same days every week and whom your children know? Book a free first meeting with the nanny in your home, and we will work out a plan around your hours.
Read more: The first time with a babysitter · Preschool drop-off without tears · VAB · Prices
Frequently asked questions
How long does settling in at förskola take?
Most commonly one to two weeks. Many preschools in Stockholm use parent-active inskolning over three to five days where the parent is there all day, followed by short days without a parent. The length is decided by the child, not the schedule, and a preschool that extends it by a few days does so because it is needed.
At what age do children start förskola?
Most start between one and one and a half, when parental leave runs out. Children are entitled to a preschool place from the age of one, and the municipality must offer a place within four months of the application. One-year-olds are often settled in more slowly than three-year-olds, who understand what is happening and can talk about it.
What do you do if your child cries at drop-off?
Say goodbye clearly and go. Crying at drop-off is almost always over within minutes, and the staff are used to it. Dragging out the goodbye makes it harder for your child, not easier. Do ask the staff to send a text or a photo after a while, so you are not sitting at work wondering.
Can you have a nanny during inskolning?
Yes, and it is often a wise move. The settling-in weeks need one parent to be off work or working half days. A nanny who collects early in the first weeks after inskolning, while the days are still short, makes the transition gentler for both children and parents. The nanny is registered with the preschool by name and phone number.
What should my child bring on the first day?
Two changes of clothes, outdoor clothes for the weather, nappies if your child uses them, a dummy or soft toy if they usually have one at nap time, and a photo of the family for the cubby. Meals and snacks are served at the preschool. Label everything with their name, even socks and mittens, or it will be gone within a week.