Children who are afraid of the dark: what helps

Fear of the dark usually arrives between the ages of two and six, when imagination grows faster than the ability to tell what is real. What helps is a dim night light, a door left ajar, taking the fear seriously without confirming the monster, and practising darkness in small doses during the day. It passes, but it takes months rather than weeks.

Quarter to eight on a November evening in Huddinge. A four-year-old who has fallen asleep by herself for two years suddenly wants the ceiling light on, the door open and Mum in the room. There is something in the wardrobe. Mum opens the wardrobe and shows that it is empty. That helps for three minutes. The wardrobe is not the problem. The problem is that the four-year-old's brain can now imagine things that are not there, and cannot yet dismiss them.

Why do children become afraid of the dark right now?

A one-year-old is not afraid of the dark, because a one-year-old cannot imagine anything that is not there. At three or four, imagination arrives in earnest, and with it come monsters, burglars, wolves and whatever might be under the bed. The ability to imagine things comes before the ability to reason them away. It is the same development that lets your child play pretend games and love stories, and the dark is where imagination gets free rein.

That means the fear is healthy. It is not a sign that something is wrong, and it cannot be explained away, because it does not live in reason. What you can do is make the evening safer, give your child tools, and wait.

Take the fear seriously without hunting for the monster

There is a balance to strike here. If you say there is nothing to be afraid of, you dismiss your child, and your child is left alone with the fear. If you search under the bed with a torch every night, you confirm that there might be something there. What works best in our experience is somewhere in between: I understand that you are scared, it is unpleasant when it is dark. And: monsters exist in books and films, not in rooms. I know that.

• Say that the fear is okay, and say that you know it is not dangerous. Both parts, every time
• Check once together, calmly, if your child needs it. Not every evening as a ritual
• Give your child something to do themselves when they get scared: turn on the lamp, hug the soft toy, say out loud: there are no monsters. Children who have a plan are less afraid
• Praise the courage in the morning: you slept in your room all night even though it was dark. That matters more than all the comforting in the evening

The practical side: light, door and sound

Helps	Hurts
A dim, warm night light, ideally red or orange	The ceiling light on all night
The door ajar, a light on in the hallway	A closed door in a completely dark room, if your child does not want it
A torch your child can keep in bed and switch on themselves	Your child having to call for you to get light
A soft toy whose job it is to stand guard	Laughing at the soft toy
Calm music or white noise that covers scary sounds	A silent room where every creak is heard
The same bedtime routine, the same sentence at the lamp	Skipping the routine because your child is scared
You come back and check after five minutes, as promised	Promising and then forgetting

Practise during the day

Fear shrinks when you expose yourself to it in small doses, on your own terms. That applies to darkness too. Turn the dark into a game in the afternoon, when your child is alert and you are close by.

1. Torch hunt: turn off the lights in a room, hide a few soft toys, search with a torch. Your child holds the torch.
2. The den: build a den out of blankets and sit inside it with a small lamp. Switch it off for a moment together and turn it back on.
3. Shadows on the wall: make animals with your hands in the beam of the torch. Your child sees that shadows are something you make, not something that comes.
4. Evening walk: go out as it starts to get dark in November, with reflectors and a lantern. The dark outside is exciting when Mum is holding your hand.
5. Dark games in the bedroom: the same room as at night, but in daytime. Look for something in the wardrobe with the light off. The room becomes familiar even in the dark.

Books and words

Picture books about children who are afraid of the dark work because your child gets to see that the fear is common and can be handled. Read them during the day, not at bedtime. And be careful about what your child reads and watches otherwise: a three-year-old who has seen a frightening scene in big sister's film has material for weeks of fear of the dark. Our guide on Bedtime stories for kids has suggestions for stories that work in the evening.

What makes it worse

• Frightening content, even animated, even what you think is harmless. Children under six can tolerate very little
• Screens late in the evening. The brain is wound up and the imagination runs at full speed in the dark afterwards
• Laughing or finding it cute. Your child hears it as the fear not counting
• Forcing it. Lights off and door closed so the child will learn. What they learn is that they are alone
• Giving up entirely. Your child in your bed every night solves the fear in the short term and makes it bigger in the long term, because your child never learns that it can be managed
• Your own fears. Parents who check the locks three times themselves and talk about burglaries in front of the child feed the fear

When the fear is something more

Fear of the dark in a child between three and six who is otherwise well, plays, goes to förskola (municipal preschool, from age one) and sleeps most nights is normal and does not need investigating. Talk to BVC (the child health clinic every family is enrolled in), the school nurse or 1177 (the national healthcare helpline) if the fear rules the daytime too, if your child refuses to enter rooms or go to the toilet alone, if it gets worse after seven or eight instead of better, or if it comes together with other things: stomach aches, nightmares every night, not wanting to go to förskola. It may be an anxiety that needs more than a night light. And if your child is afraid of the dark but above all afraid of being alone, read our guide on Child who will not sleep alone.

How we do it with our families

Esther looks after a four-year-old in Nacka two afternoons a week who became afraid of the dark in October. She talked to the parents, and all three decided to do the same thing: red night light, door ajar, and one sentence that everyone says at the lamp. On her afternoons Esther does torch hunts in the child's room once dusk falls, and the child is always the one holding the torch. She writes on her note whether the child has talked about anything scary during the day and where it came from, because it is usually a film at a friend's house. By November the child was sleeping alone again, with the light on. It can stay for as long as it is needed.

This text is general information and does not replace advice from BVC, your vårdcentral (local health centre) or 1177. If you are worried about your child, call 1177. In an emergency, call 112.

Read more: Child who will not sleep alone · Nightmares and night terrors in children · Bedtime stories for kids · FAQ

Frequently asked questions

At what age are children afraid of the dark?

Usually from two or three up to six or seven, with a peak around four when imagination is at its strongest. It is a normal part of development, not a sign that something has happened. In school-age children it can come back in phases, often linked to something the child has seen or heard.

Should we use a night light?

Yes, if your child wants one. A dim, warm light, ideally red or orange, disturbs sleep very little and removes most of the fear. Avoid bright or blue light, and avoid leaving the ceiling light on all night. The door ajar with a light in the hallway works just as well for many children.

Does monster spray work?

For some children, for a while. The problem is that the spray confirms that the monster exists and needs fighting. We prefer to say that monsters only exist in books and films, check under the bed together once, and then talk about what your child can do themselves when they get scared: turn on the lamp, hug the soft toy, call out.

When is fear of the dark something more?

If the fear rules the daytime too, if your child refuses to go into rooms, if it gets worse after the age of seven or eight instead of better, or if it comes with other signs of anxiety: stomach aches, nightmares every night, not wanting to go to förskola. Then talk to BVC, the school nurse or 1177.