Nightmares come late in the night: the child wakes, is frightened and wants comfort. Night terrors come one to three hours after falling asleep: the child screams and looks awake but is asleep, cannot be comforted and remembers nothing in the morning. With a nightmare, you comfort. With a night terror, you keep watch, don't wake them, and wait it out.
Half past ten one evening in Älvsjö. The parents have just sat down on the sofa when a three-year-old starts screaming from her room. She is sitting up in bed with her eyes open, sweaty, screaming no, no. Mum tries to hug her and she pushes her away. After eight minutes she lies down and sleeps, as if nothing had happened. In the morning she remembers nothing. That was a night terror, and it is harmless, but it is one of the most unsettling things a parent goes through.
The difference in a table
| Nightmare | Night terror | |
|---|---|---|
| When in the night | The second half, often after two o'clock | One to three hours after falling asleep |
| What you see | The child wakes, cries, reaches for you | The child screams, sits up, eyes open, doesn't recognise you |
| Can be comforted | Yes, the child wants comforting | No, the child often pushes you away |
| Awake | Yes, fully | No, the child is asleep |
| Remembers in the morning | Often, and can tell you about it | No, nothing |
| How long | The child is awake until they have calmed down | A few minutes up to a quarter of an hour, then the child sleeps |
| Most common at age | 3 to 6, but occurs at all ages | 2 to 6, usually over before ten |
| What you do | Comfort, stay, talk about it in the daytime | Keep watch, don't wake, don't talk about it in the daytime |
Night terrors: what happens and what to do
Night terrors happen in the deepest sleep, when the brain partly wakes but the body and consciousness don't follow. The child is not frightened in the way it looks. You are the ones who are frightened. There is nothing to comfort, because the child is experiencing nothing they will remember.
- Go in and make sure the child cannot fall out of bed or hurt themselves on anything.
- Don't wake them. A child who is woken becomes confused, genuinely frightened and finds it hard to go back to sleep.
- Don't touch more than necessary. Many children push you away. Sit beside them, put a hand on the child if they accept it.
- Talk calmly or not at all. You can say the same thing in an even voice: it's okay, you're sleeping, Mummy is here. That is mostly for your own sake.
- Wait. It passes in a few minutes. The child lies down and sleeps on.
- Leave the room. The child doesn't need you afterwards, they are already asleep. You might need a glass of water.
Don't talk to the child about it the next day. There is no memory to process, and a child who is told they were screaming in the night can become anxious about going to sleep.
Nightmares: what helps at night and in the daytime
Nightmares are ordinary dreams that have turned scary. They increase around the age of three when the imagination takes off, and they are often connected to something the child has seen, heard or been through. The child wakes, is genuinely frightened, and needs you.
- At night: go in, turn on a dim light, hug them, say it was a dream and that dreams can't do anything. Stay until the child is calm. Preferably don't take the child into your bed, it easily becomes a habit that is hard to break
- Don't ask what the dream was about in the middle of the night. It makes the child more awake. Say you can talk about it tomorrow
- In the daytime: let the child tell you about it if they want to. Many children benefit from drawing the dream and then deciding on a new ending where they win
- Find the source: a film, a video game at big brother's, a book, something that happened at förskola (municipal preschool, from age one). Children under six can take far less than we think, and a cartoon can be enough
- A comfort object: a torch the child is allowed to keep in bed, a soft toy that stands guard. It sounds silly and it works
Why some children get them more often
Both nightmares and night terrors become more common when the child sleeps too little, when they have a fever, when evenings are irregular and when something big is happening: a move, a new sibling, settling in at förskola, a divorce. Night terrors also run in families. If either of you had them as a child, the likelihood is higher. It is not a sign that the child is unhappy, and it is not your fault.
Prevention
| Do | Avoid |
|---|---|
| The same bedtime every evening, weekends included | Late bedtimes and late mornings |
| Enough sleep for the age, see our sleep schedule | Skipping the nap in children who still need it |
| A screen-free hour before bed | Films, games and the news in the evening, even in the background |
| A calm bedtime routine with a book | Wild play just before bed |
| A cool, dark and quiet bedroom | A warm room, the sound of the TV in the next room |
| Talking about worries in the afternoon | Big conversations at bedtime |
When to seek medical help
Most of it is harmless and passes. Call 1177 (the national healthcare helpline) or raise it at BVC (the child health clinic every family is enrolled in) or your vårdcentral (local health centre) if the episodes come several times every night for weeks, if the child hurts themselves, if you notice pauses in breathing or heavy snoring, if it continues past the age of twelve, or if the child seems affected in the daytime: tired, anxious, changed. A child who wets themselves, goes stiff or jerks in a way that doesn't look like screaming and fear should also be assessed.
How we do it with our families
Sanna does evening sessions with a family in Farsta a couple of times a month when the parents go out. The first time the four-year-old had a night terror she rang the parents, because she didn't know what it was. Since then it has been on the family's note to her: night terrors are common with him around ten, don't wake him, sit beside him, it takes five minutes. That is exactly the kind of thing that makes having the same nanny every time worth so much. She knows how things usually are, and she knows when something is different.
This article is general information and does not replace advice from BVC, your vårdcentral or 1177. If you are worried about your child, call 1177. In an emergency, call 112.
Would you like a nanny who knows your child, knows how they usually are and notices when something is different? Book a free first meeting with the nanny in your home.
Read more: Children who are afraid of the dark · Bedtime routine for children · Sleep schedule for children by age · FAQ
Frequently asked questions
Should you wake a child having a night terror?
No. The child is asleep even though they are screaming and look awake, and if you wake them they become confused and more frightened, and find it harder to go back to sleep. Sit beside them, make sure they can't hurt themselves, talk calmly if you want to, and wait. It passes in a few minutes up to a quarter of an hour.
Does the child remember the night terror in the morning?
No, almost never. That is one of the clearest signs that it was a night terror and not a nightmare. A child who has had a nightmare can often tell you what it was about, and may be afraid to go back to sleep. Don't bring up the night terror with the child the next day, there is nothing to process.
Why is my child getting night terrors right now?
The most common causes are too little sleep, fever, a period of stress or big changes, and irregular evenings. Night terrors are also more common in some families. They tend to come in phases and disappear on their own, usually completely before the age of ten.
When should we seek medical help?
If the episodes come several times every night for weeks, if the child hurts themselves, if you notice pauses in breathing or snoring that stops and starts, if it continues past the age of twelve, or if the child is affected in the daytime. Call 1177 or raise it at BVC or your vårdcentral.