A two-year-old wants to do everything by themselves but cannot yet, and that is where the tantrums come from. At the same time, the biggest change right now is language: from a few dozen words to short sentences in the space of a year. Sleep needs are around 11 to 14 hours including a nap. What helps most is predictability, a few clear choices, and an adult who does not get wound up.
Quarter to six on a Tuesday morning in Bromma. A two-year-old is lying on the hall floor because she wanted to put her boots on herself and you had already done it. You have eight minutes until förskola (municipal preschool, from age one) opens and twenty-five until your meeting. This is not a parenting problem. It is a perfectly normal two-year-old, and there are things that genuinely make it easier.
Development between two and three
| Area | Typical between two and three |
|---|---|
| Gross motor skills | Runs, climbs, kicks a ball, goes up stairs holding on, jumps with both feet towards the end of the year |
| Fine motor skills | Stacks several blocks, draws lines and then circles, twists lids, eats with a spoon and fork |
| Language | Vocabulary grows fast, two- and then three-word sentences, says their own name, asks what is that. Strangers understand some of it |
| Social | Plays alongside other children rather than with them, starts pretend play, mine, finds sharing hard |
| Emotions | Big outbursts, quick swings, starts putting feelings into words towards three |
| Independence | Wants to dress themselves, help out, choose, and says no to most things, even the things they want |
Tantrums: what is happening in the brain
The part of the brain that puts the brakes on impulses and handles frustration is among the last to mature, and at two it has barely got started. Meanwhile, the will has caught up with an adult's: a two-year-old knows exactly what they want but can neither do it themselves nor explain it. The tantrum is what is left. It is not manipulation, not bad parenting, and not something the child can choose not to do. It tends to peak between two and three, often starts around eighteen months and eases off around three to four, once language and the brakes have caught up. We have written more about Toddler tantrums in a separate guide.
What helps, day to day
- Two choices, both fine by you. Red or blue top. Walk or pushchair to the front door. Not: do you want to get dressed?
- Prepare for transitions. One more go on the slide, then we go home. Count out loud. Transitions are where tantrums live.
- Same routines every day. Morning, meals, bedtime in the same order. Predictability is a two-year-old's security.
- Lower your voice, get down on one knee. A shout is met with a shout. A calm face at eye level is something the child can copy.
- Name the feeling. You got angry because the boots were already on. The child learns the words they are missing.
- Give it time. Ten extra minutes in the morning does more than any method. Two-year-olds cannot be hurried.
- Let the child do what they can by themselves. Put on their shoes, carry a small bag, pour the milk from a small jug. It takes longer and saves a tantrum.
- Say what the child should do, not what they should not. Walk on the pavement, instead of do not run into the road.
- Do not negotiate in the middle of a tantrum. Stay close, stay quiet, wait it out. Talk afterwards, when the child can hear you.
- Food and sleep. Half of all five o'clock tantrums are hunger or tiredness. A snack in the pushchair on the way home from förskola solves more than you would think.
What does not work: long explanations, threats of consequences the child does not understand, shouting, and sending away a child who cannot calm down on their own. What does work in the long run is boring: the same rules, the same answers, every day, from every adult. The child will test them anyway. That is the job.
Sleep: the nap that should stay
A two-year-old needs around 11 to 14 hours of sleep a day, and most still have a nap of one to two hours in the middle of the day. Do not drop it too early: a child who falls asleep late in the evening is often doing so because the nap was badly timed, not because it is surplus to requirements. For most children the nap disappears between three and five, see When do children stop napping? Signs, age and how to make the transition. The first nightmares arrive now too, and sometimes night terrors, which look dramatic but are not dangerous. For many families bedtime becomes a battle at this age; it is the tantrums moving into the bedroom, and the answer is the same: the same routine, the same order, every evening. If your child climbs out of the cot, it is time for a low bed, and a gate in the doorway if needed.
Nappies, dummies and bottles
Many two-year-olds show signs of being ready to come out of nappies somewhere between two and three: dry for several hours, telling you when it has happened, interested in the toilet. Wait for the signs; starting too early takes longer than starting at the right time. Everything about that in Potty training. The dummy is best gone by around three at the latest, see Giving up the dummy. The bottle can be swapped for a cup now if it has not happened already. And do not do all three in the same month. One goodbye at a time, and not at the same time as a new sibling or a new förskola.
Language, play and screens
This is the year language explodes, and the best thing you can do is talk, read and wait for an answer. Play changes: puzzles with a few pieces, drawing, blocks, role play with dolls and cars, and the playground every day. Other children become interesting, but two-year-olds mostly play alongside each other rather than with each other, and sharing is still an abstract concept; do not expect it. Screen time: at most one hour a day between two and five according to Folkhälsomyndigheten (the Public Health Agency of Sweden), ideally together with you, and not before bedtime. Periods of stammering are common when thoughts move faster than the mouth; give it time and do not fill in the words.
When to talk to BVC
- No two-word sentences at two and a half to three, or the child does not understand simple instructions
- The child does not seek contact with you or other children, and does no pretend play at all
- Tantrums several times a day that last a very long time and where the child hurts themselves
- The child loses skills they used to have
- You are completely exhausted. BVC (the child health clinic every family is enrolled in) can offer parenting support, and asking for it is not a failure
BVC has a check-up at around two and a half to three with a language assessment, and it is a good moment to raise everything you have wondered about, even the things that feel small.
How we do it with our families
With a family on Lidingö who have a two-year-old and a baby, Esther comes the same three afternoons every week. The two-year-old gets to decide one thing each time: which book, which fruit. Leaving the playground always goes the same way: Esther says three more goes, counts out loud, and then leaves without discussion, with him on her arm if need be. She does not take it personally when he screams, and that is her big advantage over a tired parent at five o'clock. On the note: tantrum when leaving, two minutes, asleep at ten past one. It is not rocket science. It is the same person, the same rules, every week.
This text is general information and does not replace advice from BVC (the child health clinic), your vårdcentral (local health centre) or 1177 (the national healthcare helpline). If you are worried about your child, call 1177. In an emergency, call 112.
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Read more: Toddler tantrums · Your one-year-old · Potty training · FAQ
Frequently asked questions
When do the tantrum years start and end?
They usually start somewhere between eighteen months and two years and fade around three to four, but it varies. For many children the peak is around two to three. It is not about parenting; the will simply grows faster than the ability to handle feelings and express them. It gets better once language catches up.
How many words should a two-year-old have?
Many have around fifty words at two and are starting to put two words together, but the range is wide. By three most children speak in short sentences that even strangers understand some of. If there are no two-word sentences at two and a half to three, or the child does not understand simple instructions, raise it with BVC.
Should a two-year-old still have a nap?
Most two-year-olds still need a nap of one to two hours in the middle of the day. Some stop at two and a half to three, most between three and five. The sign that the nap can go is that the child falls asleep late in the evening despite having slept during the day, several weeks in a row. Quiet time without sleep works well during the transition.
How much screen time can a two-year-old have?
At most one hour a day according to the 2024 recommendation from Folkhälsomyndigheten (the Public Health Agency of Sweden) for children between two and five, and ideally together with an adult. Before the age of two, no screen time at all is recommended. Screens before bedtime affect sleep, so if they are used, use them early in the day.
Is it normal for a two-year-old to hit and bite?
Yes, it is common, and it does not mean the child is nasty. A two-year-old lacks words and impulse control, and the hand is faster than the mouth. Step in calmly, say briefly that we do not hit, see to the child who was hit first and give your child an alternative. It eases off as language grows. If it still happens often after the age of four, talk to BVC.