A three-year-old talks in sentences, runs, jumps with both feet and asks why about almost everything. This is the year when play becomes pretend play, when friends start to matter and when many children stop napping. The tantrums are not over, but you can talk to the child about them in a way that was not possible at two.
A quarter past four on a Wednesday in a flat in Kungsholmen. A three-year-old sits on the kitchen floor with three cuddly toys in a row, explaining to them that they are going to the doctor. The doctor is a wooden spoon. Twenty minutes later the same child is on the floor for an entirely different reason: the wrong colour of cup. Both of those are the three-year-old in a nutshell, and this is what you can expect during the year.
What can a three-year-old do?
The range is wide. Children born in January and December are in the same förskola (municipal preschool) group, and it shows. The table shows what is common at age three, not what is required.
| Area | Common at three |
|---|---|
| Gross motor skills | Runs without falling, jumps with both feet, climbs stairs with alternating feet, rides a tricycle or balance bike |
| Fine motor skills | Holds a pencil in a grip that is starting to resemble an adult's, draws circles and lines, puts on simple clothes, eats with a fork |
| Language | Sentences of three to five words, talks about things that have happened, asks why, knows their name and often their age |
| Social | Plays with other children and not just alongside them, starts taking turns, has favourite friends, comforts whoever is crying |
| Thinking | Pretend play with roles, sorts by colour and shape, counts to three or five, roughly understands today and tomorrow |
| Independence | Uses the toilet with help, washes hands, hangs up their jacket at förskola |
Why, why, why
Some time during the year the questions arrive. A three-year-old can ask several hundred in a day, and many of them are impossible: why is it Monday, why does the dog have a tail, why do we have to sleep. The questioning is not a way of testing you. The child is building a model of the world and needs to know how things fit together.
What works is short, honest answers. If you do not know, say so and look it up together. What does not work is answering all of them. After the fifth why in a row you are allowed to say: I do not know any more now, let us move on. The child rarely takes offence. It has already found the next question.
Play: now it gets real
At three, play becomes pretend play with roles and a plot. The child is mum, doctor, bus or dog, and the dolls, cars and cuddly toys have roles too. Role play is the most important thing happening in the brain this year. In it the child practises taking other people's perspective, waiting, planning and handling feelings in a safe format. A child who plays at being scared of a monster is practising being scared.
- Play that usually goes down well at three: doctor with real plasters, shop with real packets from the larder, restaurant with a menu, cooking for real in the kitchen with a step stool at the counter
- Materials: blocks, trains, crayons, dolls, dressing-up clothes. It does not need to be much, and it can happily be the same things for months
- Outdoors: digging, climbing, jumping in puddles, cycling. A three-year-old who has been outside for two hours sleeps better and fights less
- Books: picture books with a story, ideally the same book twenty times. The repetition is the point, not a sign that the child is stuck
Friends start to matter for real. The child talks about Vera and Elliot at home, wants to play with them and gets sad when they play with someone else. Conflicts over toys are daily, and most of them the children resolve themselves if they get ten seconds before an adult steps in.
The tantrums are not over at three
Many parents hope the tantrum years end on the third birthday. They do not. What happens is that the outbursts become fewer but more sophisticated. The child can now negotiate, argue and say that it hates you. The feelings are still bigger than the ability to handle them, and that is how it will be for several more years.
The difference from age two is that you can talk about it afterwards. A three-year-old understands: you got angry because you wanted the red cup, and it is okay to be angry, but not to throw the cup. You can offer two options to choose between, and that works more often than giving orders. More on what helps is in our guide to Toddler tantrums.
Sleep: the daytime nap disappears
A three-year-old needs roughly 10 to 13 hours of sleep per 24 hours, including any daytime nap. This is the year when many stop napping, and the transition usually takes a few weeks with a child who is impossible at around five o'clock. The solution is to put the child to bed earlier in the evening, often around seven, and to have a quiet time after lunch instead of a nap. We have a separate guide on When do children stop napping? Signs, age and how to make the transition.
Night terrors and nightmares appear in some children at this age, as the imagination grows. It is unpleasant for you but harmless for the child, and it usually passes on its own.
Nappies, the potty and food
Most children become dry in the daytime some time between two and four. At three it is common to be in the middle of it: dry at förskola but not at home, or the other way round. A night nappy is normal well into the fourth year. Do not push, and do not take away the night nappy until it has been dry in the morning several weeks in a row. See our guide to Potty training.
Eating often gets fussier at three, even in children who ate everything at one. It is a normal phase connected to the child wanting to decide more. Offer the same food you eat yourselves, let the child choose how much, and do not make an issue of it. A child who is growing and lively is getting what it needs, even if the week consisted of pasta with butter.
When to talk to BVC
The three-year check at BVC (the child health clinic every family is enrolled in) is an opportunity to raise anything you are wondering about. Get in touch earlier if any of these apply:
- The child speaks very little, or has stopped using words it could say before
- You or förskola rarely understand what the child is saying
- The child does not play pretend at all and shows no interest in other children
- The child does not respond to its name or rarely seeks eye contact
- The child falls often, walks on tiptoe all the time or has trouble holding things
- You are worried, even if you cannot put your finger on why
Most of this turns out to be perfectly normal variation. But an early question costs nothing, and if something needs support it is better to start at three than at five.
How we do it with our families
Sanna has looked after a three-year-old in Södermalm three afternoons a week for over a year. She picks up from förskola at half past three, and the first ten minutes are always the same: the child does not want to put on the jacket, Sanna offers two ways of doing it, the child picks one and off they go. At home it is a snack and then forty minutes of playing doctor where Sanna is the patient every time. The note to the parents says what the child ate, whether there was any conflict at förskola that the child mentioned, and which question was the day's hardest. Last week it was why water is wet.
This text is general information and does not replace advice from BVC, your vårdcentral (local health centre) or 1177 (the national healthcare helpline). If you are worried about your child, call 1177. In an emergency, call 112.
Would you like a nanny who knows your child, knows how things usually are and notices when something is different? Book a free first meeting with the nanny in your home.
Read more: Your two-year-old · The four-year-old · Toddler tantrums · Frequently asked questions
Frequently asked questions
How much should a three-year-old sleep?
Roughly 10 to 13 hours per 24 hours, including any daytime nap. Many three-year-olds stop napping during the year, and then bedtime needs to move earlier. A child who falls asleep within twenty minutes and wakes refreshed in the morning is sleeping enough, whatever the clock says.
Is it normal for a three-year-old to still have tantrums?
Yes. The tantrum years do not end at three, they just change shape. The outbursts often become fewer but wordier, and the child can argue. That is because the feelings are still bigger than the ability to handle them, not because of anything you have done wrong.
When should a three-year-old be out of nappies?
Most children become dry in the daytime some time between two and four, and at night often a year later. At three it is common to be in the middle of the process. A night nappy at three is completely normal, and BVC does not usually worry until the child is approaching school age.
What should a three-year-old be able to say?
Most three-year-olds speak in sentences of three to five words, can tell you about something that happened and are understood by people outside the family most of the time. Pronunciation can still be unclear. If the child speaks very little, or stops using words it could say before, raise it with BVC.